Don’t have a title

Who is this person everyone can see I thought I saw it but now I’m not sure
who is this person everyone can see
why are these people helping me telling me everything is going to be all right
sometimes I wander is this really real or am I just hallucinating me of all people could never have something like this
someone like me couldn’t have this gift people claim I have and if I do how come I cant see it
when I say like me who am I really
why does all this have to be so hard
someone told me something ill never forget (something amazing is going on and part of it is because of you)
how do you believe something like that especially if you’ve been a nobody you’re whole life or that person that someone comes to only when they don’t have anyone else even though that they aren’t even going to acknowledge you were even there for them the next day
how is it possible for someone like that to be able to affect people
how is it possible for someone to even want to listen to someone like that but according to everyone they don’t see that person
but the person I want the most to see what everyone sees she wont even attempt everyone is like give up on her its been like this for as long as you can remember she’s not never gonna change there’s no point in killing yourself over her but knowing me I’m to hard headed and I worry to much about everything before I worry about how its going to affect me and this time I cant give up cause it’ll give her the satisfaction she wants but not only that for once I don’t want to let myself down and also it’ll affect so many other people yall don’t understand how bad I just want to just curl up and give up but something is pulling at me something that has never been there before not letting me
I get so wrapped in my emotions and don’t know what to do
someone please tell me who this person is that everyone sees cause I cant see it all I see is this hateful person that doesn’t care about anyone not even herself tangled up in so much hatred, anger, frustration lost and scared don’t know what to do worried about what’s going to happen I don’t know what I’m doing don’t get me wrong I have my good days but for some reason stuff like this always comes back
I put my guard up I keep my knees bent and my hands up but for some reason they come down and its like uncontrollable and I know we’ve been told this its your choice but sometimes its not its really not
well ive got to go to bed its midnight and i have church in the morning