Thursday, March 29, 2007
I AM CONFUSED
What am i doing everybody is proud of me. I cant figure out what they're proud of. I go home and everyone hates me they look at me like im dirt and they tell me what im doin is wrong and it going to hurt me in the long run but what if they're right i know bro. Elms just preached about this last night but how do i really know its real is it really worth all this i have to go through. i fell like im losing my family and those around me well i cant really say im losing my family cause i lost them along time ago but its just makin it worse it was easier when i was doin all the bad stuff i was doin because everyone excepted me maybe not i a good way but they did and i didnt have to haer the greif and the ridicule of them. its so hard and i dont understand why it has to be like this why cant it just be easy for a while. The people who r proud of me and tell me to keep going and those are the people im not even supposed to be talking to i dont know. i wish i could make my mom understand. everything ive done is find a way to get her accteptance a all ive gotten is hatred and everyone tells me to keep going but all i can do is stop and look around its like im stuck i cant turn around and go the other way cause ill let people down and myself but if i keep going foward i move further away from my family and what im tryin to do i move closer to them. its not like im tellin them im gay or somthin like that im just tellin them that i found another way to live and what i thought was a better way to live seems harder than what it really is. im just tryin to tell them to follow and maybe somthin good will happen but all they want to did is tell me how stupid i am and all im doin is thinkin about myself and thats not it at all cause if that was the case i would just forget about them and try to make my life better for myself when i pray, most of the time i dont even pray for myself i pray for their well being and for us to draw closer together and all it seems like its doin is drifting us further apart cause i know my mom doesnt have much time left cause u can tell and i all want is a good relationship for me and her cause we've never had one and it wasnt but maybe a coulpe of weeks ago she said thats what she wanted that we've wasted to much time and just give me another chance and i have ive given her a bunch and it was like she said that stuff just to say it and it didnt mean anything at all. i feel like im just rambleing but when things come to mind like this i just write them down in hope to answer my own qustion cause ive done it before but its not happening.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Leslie, I will say this, it's always easier just to lay down and accept the bad stuff and let the good stuff go. Believe me, I've been there many a time. I know it's very hard to live with a family when they disapprove of anything good you try to do, but look at it this way. You're in church. You have the Holy Ghost and have been baptized. You are having trouble not giving into the bad stuff, though obviously not as much as before, which is good. But your family ISN'T in church. As I said b4, just giving into the bad stuff is sooo much easier than doing good, and your family doesn't know how to NOT give in. It's hard. Granted they may try, but they don't have God helping them out and feeding them lines like you do. But I do know this, if you quit now, or ever, your family will assume that what you had wasn't really real. Someone came to our church a year or two ago and he talked about this girl who always talked about her church and her God to her family, but they didn't want to hear it. Her pastor told her something she would have never thought of. DON'T preach to them, DON'T try and shove God down their throat, they won't want to see what he's like and you'll just drive them off. Be nice. Do things for them. Don't say anything mean or sarcastic or rebellious around them. Don't shove their sins and wrongs in their face and then tell tham that's what God is for. They don't want to hear that. Just. Be. Nice. And it took some time, but they realized that she had something, and they wanted to try it out. I know for a fact that you your self haven't tried this approach yet. Maybe you should. And if I'm wrong, someone will probably tell me. But I'm just trying to help, so..... yeah. I'll hush now.
Leslie Im proud of you and the progress that you have made and what God is doin in your life. I don't know wut it's like to go through wut you have but i know that God forgives and He forgets. The scars will be there but your testimony will impact other young people and will show them that there is a hope that no one but God can give. Im proud of you and im glad me, jessica, and you hang out its a lot of fun. Hang in there im praying for you!!!
Kyle
Post a Comment